Should I Stay or Should I Go? How to Know When a Relationship No Longer Serves You

Jill R
Jan 16
3 min read

One of the Hardest Questions You’ll Ever Ask

“Should I stay or should I go?”

This is one of the most painful and confusing questions people bring into therapy. You may love your partner, share history, or hope things will improve, yet still feel emotionally drained, unsafe, or deeply unhappy.

At LifeWorks Mental Health Counseling Practice PLLC, we work with individuals and couples navigating this exact crossroads. Our goal is not to tell you what to do, but to help you gain clarity, emotional safety, and self-trust so you can make a decision that honors your well-being.

Why This Question Feels So Overwhelming

People often struggle with the stay-or-go decision because of:

Fear of regret
Fear of being alone
Guilt or responsibility for the relationship
Hope that things will “go back to how they were”
Conflicting advice from friends or family
Trauma bonding or attachment wounds

Research shows that when emotional bonds are involved, the brain often prioritizes familiarity over safety, even when a relationship is no longer healthy.

Therapy provides a neutral space to slow this process down.

Signs a Relationship May No Longer Be Safe or Nourishing

While every relationship is unique, there are indicators that a relationship may no longer be serving you.

1. You Do Not Feel Emotionally or Physically Safe

This includes:

Fear of your partner’s reactions
Walking on eggshells
Emotional manipulation or intimidation
Verbal abuse or threats
Any form of physical violence

If safety is compromised, staying often causes long-term emotional harm. Therapy can help you plan next steps safely and thoughtfully.

2. Repeated Betrayals or Broken Trust With No Repair

Relationships can survive rupture only when repair happens.

Warning signs include:

Infidelity or lies without accountability
Promises to change with no follow-through
Minimizing or dismissing your pain
Refusal to engage in repair or counseling

Without consistent repair, trust erosion continues.

3. All Efforts Have Been Made, But Nothing Changes

Many people seek therapy after years of trying the following:

Open communication
Compromise
Couples counseling
Self-work
Boundary setting

When one or both partners are unwilling or unable to change patterns, staying can lead to resentment, emotional exhaustion, and loss of self.

4. The Relationship Is Draining, Not Nourishing

Healthy relationships are not perfect, but they should feel:

Emotionally supportive
Mutually respectful
Growth-oriented
Repairable after conflict

If the relationship consistently leaves you anxious, depleted, or disconnected from yourself, that matters and in therapy you can look deeper at why that is.

When It May Be Worth Exploring Staying

Not all struggling relationships need to end!

Therapy can especially be helpful when:

Both partners are willing to take responsibility
There is emotional safety, even if there is conflict
Patterns are harmful but repairable
There is motivation to rebuild trust
The relationship still feels emotionally meaningful

Evidence-based relationship counseling (such as Emotional Freedom Technique, Gottman, or Imago)

can help couples break unhealthy cycles and reconnect.

And those are the exact modalities and interventions that our counselors at LifeWorks Mental Health Counseling PLLC. are specialized in!

What Therapy Helps You Clarify

At LifeWorks, we don’t push decisions. We help clients explore!

Here are some things you may be exploring in a therapy session:

What your nervous system is telling you
Your attachment patterns
Your boundaries and needs
The difference between fear and intuition
Whether hope is realistic or wishful
What staying or leaving would actually look like
Actions step to take that are safe and aligned with your goals

Often, clarity comes not from rushing a decision, but from feeling emotionally supported while exploring it.

Common Myths About Leaving a Relationship

“If I leave, I failed.”Ending a relationship can be an act of self-respect, not failure.
“Love should be enough.”Love without safety, respect, or accountability is not sustainable.
“I’ll never find better.”Fear-based thinking often comes from trauma, not truth.
“Staying is better for the kids.”There is research to support that children do best in emotionally healthy environments, not high-conflict ones.

You Don’t Have to Decide Alone

Whether you’re questioning your relationship, considering separation, or hoping to repair what feels broken, support matters!

LifeWorks Mental Health Counseling Practice PLLC serves clients in Islip and Commack, NY, and specializes in:

Relationship counseling
Couples therapy
Individual therapy for relationship clarity
Trauma-informed care
Attachment-based therapy

Our clinicians are highly trained and we will thoughtfully match you with a therapist who best fits your needs.

Take the Next Step Toward Clarity

If you’re asking yourself “Should I stay or should I go?” that question deserves care, attention, and a safe space without any pressure.

If that is what you are looking for: call us today at (631)260-3900

We’ll help match you with a specialized clinician who can support you in gaining clarity, safety, and confidence in your decision.

Because you deserve a relationship, and a life, that feels safe, nourishing, and aligned.